From "Jobber"

Flashback. 2006. Working at a day program for adults with special needs. The "workers," as the company called them, mostly lived in group homes and were bussed in using 15-passenger vans to this building Monday thru Friday where they would be expected to enjoy the American Dream of being told to sit in a cubicle all day long with nothing to do. I worked in the Intense Behavoiral Services (IBS) working with people who had a history of aggressivion.

I tried to come up with things for them to do. Got in trouble for that. At first I came up with things that vaguely resembled actual work tasks, things like filing and bundling. This didn't work out well because the company felt that spotless cubicles were incredibly important. Unfortunately the clients weren't always capable of cleaning up after themselves in a timely fashion and the janitors ended up throwing out all of our supplies.

We had carts that were used to transport the supplies needed for the jobs we never had. Apparently you're not supposed to use them to give people rides, no matter how much fun it is (and it was fun, I let them pull me around a few times).

On the way into work I'd stop at a supermarket and pick up a bunch of those free magazines that were nothing but used car ads. The guys loved them, treated them like real magazines. And when they were finished flipping through them we'd curl a couple of them up together and use the finished product as a baseball bat, knocking around bunches of used packing tape. Also not allowed.

I was much better at getting to the gym back then. Ran through a lot of protein mix, which comes in these big plastic containers which, once empty, are perfect for forming drum circles. Guess who got spoken to about that one?

So as I was working with the "workers" who are in this program because they're not very good at bagging groceries without hitting people. And every thing I do that makes them happy and therefore safe is frowned upon because it isn't business-like.

CNA Class Instructors Get Anal

I was going through some of the papers for the CNA class I took last year and found this test where the question was "How far in do you stick a rectal thermometer?" (wording might not be exact). And I replied with "just beyond the bulb," which is about one inch. I got the question wrong because the answer was "one inch." Now I'm kind of feeling bad for the patients because for a lot of people the thermometer itself is pretty uncomfortable, never mind the ruler. And when it's one of those rulers with the metal strip so you can draw a straight line, that might not be the right tool for the job. Worse yet is when it's some ex-carpenter trying to use a tape measure and the metal tab gets stuck while it's whirring out of there. Then you get some geek trying to use one of those laser beam measurement devices, I don't know how well that's going to work in this situation. Of course the absolute wrong tool for the job is GPS, because there is no way in hell you can read the screen through the lube. It just ain't gonna happen.

I sat through a neighborhood meeting recently where an official was enthusiastically stating that he will ride with the sanitation engineers so he can pass out more fines. On one hand I can't blame him for being enthusiastic. I've ridden on the back of a garbage truck before, it really is fun. The day I got that $8/hr assignment from Labor Ready was a beautiful day, the route was in Windham, NH. An adequately wealthy town that's not entirely highway convenient. The company was subscription-based, meaning that there was plenty of riding time between houses. I suddenly understood what it was like to be a dog with his head out the window. And for that brief moment it didn't matter that I could only afford a flea collar and not a real one. On the other hand, I think what this the gentleman at the meeting was really excited about was fining local residents $25 if their hinged trash barrel lid wasn't shut all the way, or $35 if they put their trash out earlier than 4pm the previous day. I don't think he's ever even heard of working 2nd shift. I'm pretty sure he's gonna be riding the back of the truck with a tie on. What 2nd shift generally involves is leaving at 2 to get to work at 3, staying until 1130 (no paid lunch usually), and not being able to get to sleep until 3 or 4 am. Assuming the trash is going to be picked up sometime in the morning when you'd like to be sleeping so you can do it all again, putting the trash out at 2pm the previous day seemed like a good idea. Micro Waste Management. Ride, doggy, ride.